It was October 2018 when I first announced my book, then titled ‘Introduction to Conductive Upbringing – Part 1 of the Parenting Toolkit Series’.
Little did I know what was to come. I love Autumn time and I was looking forward to having it published when nature becomes rich in colours, with cooler mornings, but still warm sunny days.
I have made several attempts and created different versions. None of them satisfied me.
If you know me, once I make my mind up nothing can stop me, but there was a force within me that has put the break on each of my attempts.
My internal struggle was so real that it manifested in my physical body. I was literally taken off my legs.
I feel I know now what Dr. András Pető must have gone through and why he was so reluctant to publish written materials. Instead, he chose to spend endless hours developing the practice and writing up vast volumes of detailed task series along with facilitation techniques. These volumes were never published and were only used internally at the institute.
He didn’t want to leave behind something which could have been misunderstood or misinterpreted.
It isn’t easy for me to write about this. Part of our training as conductors we are taught that we must not show our vulnerability. It always must be about the children and the adults we are working with.
I remember Dr. Hári telling us during one of her lectures, that the WORK is the most important and the focus of the children and adults working on themselves mustn’t be interrupted. Not even noticing if one of the conductors faints in class. The conductor must be helped in a way that it wouldn’t interrupt their programme.
I’ve decided to show you my vulnerability so it might inspire you to work on tasks you are also finding very hard to do. 
I thought I begin documenting my writing journey, to share the creative process including both the highs and struggles. I would love to get your input on this project along the way, as my goal is to publish a piece that helps and inspires you.
After giving up the book completely and thinking it will never materialise, a few weeks ago I began writing again with the help of my coach. The illustrator is currently working on designs, while my coach, Marie is working with me each week. The title has changed along with the content.
Our work is so completely integrated and interwoven that writing about it is as hard as writing a book about life with its complexity.
As Marie reminds me ever so often; it is your duty Judit, you have to do it for those parents, children, and families.
